Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
