nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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