the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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