were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
