I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
