white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
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Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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