Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think my vagina is haunted
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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