Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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