Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
