I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
