The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
