Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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