I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
