I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
