I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
