Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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