I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
