Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
