My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
