Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
