So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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