Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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