I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You took a bar mat shot.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
