i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
