Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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