The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
