hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
