The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
