Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
