If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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