we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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