I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
