OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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