i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
