So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
