im drinking this country out of the recession.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
