My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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