The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
