Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
