its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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