wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
