i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
