none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
