Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
