do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
