So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
