did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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