when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
