You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
