he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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