they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
