Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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