Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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