possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
