The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
