cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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