I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
