Did I show you my penis last night?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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