i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
