i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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