don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
