And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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