Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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