tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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