Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
