i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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