Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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