I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
