well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My vagina is very pro this idea
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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