wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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