He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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