I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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