Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize