i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
