sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
