and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
