Can i not drive my cunt home
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
