Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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