Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
