I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
did i just pee glitter
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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