About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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