No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
