Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Randomize
